Wedding Memorial?

My fiance's mom passed away a week ago and we still plan to have our wedding on March 1. We also have grandfathers whom we have lost over the years as well.


My thought was to have a table at the reception with our parents and grandparents wedding photos on them with a candle and flowers. Does this sound ok?





Did you do a rememberance of any kind?


What did you do?


Thanks

Wedding Memorial?
We did the exact same thing on our wedding day.


I received many positive comments on it as many thought it was a nice gesture and a thoughtful, tactful way of rememberance on a special day.


I think this is a perfect way of adding this to your wedding day wihtout bring your day down to a sad/depressing note.


You'll leave your guests (that were closet to these people) feeling honored that these special people were still a part


and were in your thoughts.





My condolences to you, your fiance and his family.
Reply:I am kind of torn by it, While I think a table may be a bit much, I think some type of acknowledgement is nice, maybe incorporate in the ceremony a lighting of a candle for those who are with us in spirit mention important names , lite by a younger family member, maybe even a short poem of rememberance, and on with the ceremony. you don't want to be so focused on the sad stuff this is your happy day. As far as reception see if you can get your hands on their wedding pictures, frame them and place them by either the guest book or the cake. if you do a slide show incorporate these pics in as well. Congrats
Reply:I think your idea of having photos displayed on a table is fine, as long as it's not a dining table. Weddings are supposed to be happy and focused on the future, not sad and focused on the past. Having their pictures displayed on a table invokes their presence. Having a dining table with empty chairs and photos or roses simply points out that their absence. My recommendation is to be subtle. People who know your fiance know that his mother just passed, and won't really need to be reminded. Have her photo there if that helps your fiance feel more like she's there, but don't turn it in to a shrine. And, I'm sorry about your loss. It's difficult.





All four of our parents have passed away We're putting their wedding photos at the back of the place card table (no flowers or candles so it doesn't look like a memorial shrine), putting a very brief mention in the program of them (in the section where we acknowledge our family's love and support), and my future brother-in-law will say something like "we know they're looking down on us today, happy that John and Jane found each other" as a part of his toast. I also plan to wear my mom's engagement ring on my right hand that day so that I have something personal of hers with me. They are all subtle, and it seems like plenty.
Reply:My mother recently passed, and we will recognize her in the ceremony, by having a moment of silence and a passage from her favorite poem read. At the reception, we will have her favorite songs played, with an announcement that the songs are dedicated to her (they are rolling stones songs and tina turner songs). So it will not be too much of a downer. We want to recognize that her jovial spirit is with us, and we honor her, but we do not mourn her. I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best!
Reply:I think that's a lovely idea. Do searches on the words "memorial table" and "wedding" and there are some ideas there. I love the idea of the candles. Just make sure to keep everything positive so it keeps the mood light and happy. We just lost my new husband's mom and dad within a few weeks of each other, and they couldn't attend our wedding due to illness, so I can relate. Best wishes to you!
Reply:This is a wedding, not a funeral. Just remember that. Now, regarding the mother, she is an important player, so having some sort of acknowledgement on the wedding program would probably be a stunning idea. As far as her picture, that might be very eerie, and everyone might begin crying and grieving at your wedding. Your wedding is supposed to be a blessed event, not a place for grief. Now, grandparents, no, if they are dead, leave them dead. No grandparent memorials.
Reply:I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mother when I was young (10) and was very close to her and miss her dearly. When we got married, we had a bouquet of her favorite flowers at the end of one of the church pews. Having people's pictures like that is sort of depressing and I would not do it. I would include their names and a short statement about how much they are missed etc (in the church flier).





Having a dead person's table is morbid and will put a damper on what is supposed to be the happiest day of your marriage.





I would not do it. Ask the wedding coordinator or the priest for ideas if you don't like mine.
Reply:That sounds like a lovely idea.


At my Cousins wedding there were pictures of the parents of both the bride and groom and the grand-parents of the bride and groom on their wedding days.





They also had a slide show during the dinner and it included a memorial for close family members who had past. The Grooms father had died when he was a teenager so they did a little memorial for him.





I've also heard of people dedicating songs to parents who had passed during their wedding.
Reply:I am getting married in September, and I am doing the same thing for my grandparents and sister, only without the pictures. I am also putting something on the back of our wedding programs. My friend also did the exact same thing you want to do at her wedding a couple of weekends ago. It was beautiful and sweet. She also put special memorial candles near the front, one for each person lost. That was really important to her.


Best wishes!
Reply:My fiance's mother passed away last year, so we are having a seat reserved for her both at the ceremony and the reception, and will be placing her bouquet on her seat/place setting. We are also requesting guests give to cancer instead of giving us gifts - my fiance set up a charity in her name!! And, since my mother had cancer and his mother passed away from cancer, our favors are going to be chocolate ribbons in the colors of cancer that they had, pink - breast cancer, grey - lung cancer, pearl - brain cancer (I think that's right).





A lot of people here are probably going to tell you not to bother, but I think it is very important for you to do what you feel is right. People will say that you will make your guests sad, but that's okay, of course people miss her/them, you are just making sure she/they are there too.





Congratulations and good luck.
Reply:I can't believe the responses. This is not a funeral, this is morbid, what? Than why is it becoming so common to have memorial tables? To have memorial vases and candles and frames...they are in almost every magazine I pick up with wedding stuff in them.


I am doing a memorial table but only for one person who's passed away. I had a best friend that tragically died in a car accident... and I am setting up a memorial table for her. It's just going to be a small round table with a candle, a single rose, her picture and an angel statue on it. Candles and roses are the theme for our wedding so it fits.


I think that if you want to do it go for it. Most people (or at least that I know) appreciate the thoughtful gesture.
Reply:Another thing you can do at the ceremony, is place a rose(or whatever their favorite flower was) in their chair. I'm not to sure about the table. Maybe put the photos where the guest book is going along with a pic of the two of you.
Reply:I think that is perfect! My brother in law did a similar thing at his wedding for my Father in law and my grandfather-in-law. It think having wedding pictures takes the emphasis off the loss, and focuses on the legacy that they have left the two of you.





I think that less is more, too much is uncomfortable.





I do think that perhaps a special memorial to just his mom somehow as part of the ceremony would be okay too. At my brother in law's wedding they tossed a rose into the ocean for my father in law (it was obviously a beach wedding) when they presented roses to the bride's parents and my mother in law. Like your fiance, the grief from losing his dad was fairly recent and it was important to him to honor his dad as part of his healing. It didn't take anything away from the ceremony - nothing was said - they just quietly walked over and tossed the rose in.





Maybe a special candle at the alter or other such subtle statement - especially since it will have been so recent. Or use a special reading or favorite song of that person. And just mention in the program that the reading or song is "dedicated to the memory of (your fiance's mom)" - but not state it in the ceremony itself.





You can also dedicate the first dance to the individual and choose their favorite song is a less obtrusive way to remember.





But less is more and go with subtle. You want to honor the memory, but not draw attention to the loss.

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