My wedding is in july & my dad's brother's RSVP included his kids but we didn't invite them. What should I do?

I'm getting married on July 25 and the only kids we decided to have at our wedding are our flower girls %26amp; ring bearers (my nieces %26amp; nephews). We addressed all of our invites properly, however I received an RSVP today from an out of town Uncle - my Dad's brother - and his RSVP read that "4" people would be attending. Well, he included his kids even though I did not include them on the invite or RSVP. I really don't want any other children there but my nieces %26amp; nephews, but I also don't want to upset my Uncle who gets easily offended. My Dad is awful at dealing with these types of situations. I don't know what to do. What is the appropriate way for me to handle this situation? Should I just suck it up %26amp; pay for his kids to attend? Should I find them a babysitter? or Pay a babysitter to sit in another room at the reception hall? What about my other guests who have kids and couldn't bring them? HELP!!! I really don't know how to handle this sticky situation without someone being upset.

My wedding is in july %26amp; my dad's brother's RSVP included his kids but we didn't invite them. What should I do?
Well I think you should just confront him. Its your wedding, your speacil day and if you don't want kids there, then no kids it is! Just be a little gentle kinda casually bring it up and if he asks why then tell him. Its your wedding and don't let the feelings of him get in the way of making your day perfect.
Reply:Its YOUR big day, dont worry about upsetting other people otherwise if you tiptoe around this the only person who will be upset is you. Babysitter sounds good, just be honest
Reply:Wait a little while and then send out a little note thanking everyone for their RSVP's and reminding them that due to the (size of church, acoustics, intimacy of the environment, whatever reason you want) children under the age of (whatever) are not allowed into the wedding itself but are welcome at the reception, and there will be games, cake and ice cream, etc etc for them there.





The trick is to keep the message positive and tell people what their kids ARE welcome to.
Reply:I would ask your dad his thoughts on this. I would also talk it over with your future husband. I assume there is an aunt in the picture since he RSVP'ed for 4. Do you feel comfortable talking to her about the situation? If you truly don't want the kids there then you will just have to be polite but firm and explain your position to your uncle. Offer to get a responsible babysitter since they are coming from out of town. Best of luck!
Reply:You simply have to tell them that children are not allowed at the wedding with the exception of the wedding party. You could write them a thankyou note for them rsvping but say that its adults only. You shouldn't have to pay for a babysitter either, thats their responsibility.
Reply:Ooooh...that's a tough one! Of course, the best thing would be for you to have your dad, or another relative that's close to both you and him, talk to him. I suppose you could try calling him yourself (are you two close?) and explaining that it's just small wedding, and you'd rather not have the children there. Or...I suppose you could try and find a babysitter...and then call him and say "hey, I noticed you included the kids on your rsvp....I have a great babysitter, would you like her name?"...or something along those lines?





The good news is kids don't eat nearly as much as adults, and you're bound to have one or two not show up (even though they promised they would)....so it'll probably even out in the end.
Reply:If you didn't specify that you do not want children attending, well... not much you can do but suck it up. Just addressing mr %26amp;mrs doesn't automatically mean no kids allowed, just means you addressed them cause they're head of household.





If you did specify no children, call him and explain your situation.





I think it's kind of cold that certain kids are welcome but others are not, let 'em all go, keep each other company. Besides, he's coming in from out of town for *you*!
Reply:Okay, first, there is probably no way to handle this without someone being upset. There, just face that!!!





Now, do you really want to bend the rules for someone who was rude enough to ignore the info. on the invite %26amp; response card %26amp; risk upsetting all your other family %26amp; friends who did? Not to mention that most of them probably paid or went out of their way to find sitters for their kids %26amp; now they see that this uncle didn't have to????!!!





I didn't think so!





Here's what you do: Call him %26amp; tell him that you just received their response %26amp; although you'd love to host the kids as well, it just isn't in your budget or space limitation to do that. You and (fiance's name) have also decided that you'd really like to enjoy an adult's only evening %26amp; hoped that your friends and family would understand.





If he gets upset at a very courteous call like that(especially after being so rude %26amp; tacky himself), then let him!!
Reply:This is funny, because I'm getting married on the 26th of July (Saturday), and I'm facing these same problems with my family as well. Everyone thinks they are God's gift to mankind, and doesn't realise that the dinner part is what cost's a lot of money, and if they ain't your immediate family like you said (niece and nephews) than family, and friends have to understand. You know what? This is your wedding (not theirs), don't let anyone get under your skin, and tell you how to have your own wedding. Congratulations.
Reply:If you or someone else cannot talk to your uncle, then you should take the high road and seat them at your reception. They will feel out of place and realize that they went against your wishes. You will have no regrets for creating friction within the family. Weddings are a time of high emotions for families. We want every detail to go right, but something seems to always go wrong or someone embarrasses the newlyweds. Be a gracious host to them and everyone who attends and put your energy into other details of your special day. Best wishes.
Reply:This is such a common problem! I really don't know why people ignore the "no kids" request. If you let him bring his kids, that will upset other guests who wanted to bring their children but couldn't, you know?





When my sister got married, she also had a "no kids rule," unless it was a nursing infant. (we had a couple of those). SOme people were upset, but when we explained that the venue only held 100 people, if they brought their kids, she wouldn't be able to invite her college friends, they were more understandable. Plus, my mom organized the whole thing and wasn't afraid of telling people NO KIDS.





In your case.... seeing how you already have kids attending, it might be more fun for them if you let your cousins come too. Set up games (coloring books, mad libs, cards, etc...) at their table so they'll have something to do. Sometimes you just have grin and bear it when it comes to family.





I wish you good luck, and congratulations!!!
Reply:i would call him and ask if he'd like you to find a sitter for him.


or realize that....


generally when the people are traveling from out of town - their children do attend unless they are old enough to stay home on their own.





other guests will understand as they are your first cousins from out of state.
Reply:I would call him personally and explain to him that it is an adults only reception. You are not obligated to "pay" someone to watch his kids. I'm having an adults only reception because kids waist food. I'm having a sit down meal and I can afford to pay $35 a plate for a bunch of kids that aren't even going to eat it. If he cant accept that, then tell him that you aren't willing to compromise on the issue and it would be best if they only attended the ceremony. Its your day and you and your hubby's happiness is all that matters. Good luck
Reply:well first of all if you start saying yes to one person you have to say yes to the others who may have children,


i figure you usually give people enough notice to organise their own babysitting as you really have enough to worry about already, without worrying about other peoples children and if they are not on the invite it should not be assumed, don't be scared to say no in this situation,


i am not having any kids at my wedding either besides my nieces and nephews, and to all others it just has to be a straight no as a lot of guests have children and if i yes to one it will not be fair on others, i may upset some people but they will have to deal with it.
Reply:This is your wedding you shouldn't have to suck it up or find a babysitter for the kids...the other guests who do have kids and aren't bringing them will probably be offended if your uncle is allowed to bring his children...write back a response or give him a call letting your uncle know that there will not be other kids attending the wedding or the reception accept for the flower girl and ring bearers....you can't do it get your dad to give him a call and tell him what to say or you can say this too if you call.....example...hey _____(your uncles name) how's it going? I just got back your RSVP and this is a little embarrassing the wedding invitation I sent you was only for you and aunt____ because there won't be any other children attending the wedding that day accept the flower girl and ring bearer so I just wanted to give you a call to let you know but you and aunt ____ are more than welcome to still come but please make alternate arrangements for your kids....thanks for understanding.


Be straight forward and remember this is your day...you don't want to have to worry about this from now up until your special day it will add more stress to your wedding planning....you deserve to have your day exactly how you want it.
Reply:Confront NOTHING. Suck it up kid, it's a wedding for heavens sake. People are going to be happy for you.


If your Uncle mis understood the invitation and is bringing his children then be the gracious hostess and say WELCOME, or are you too stingy to pay the extra for their meals.


Don't insult your Fathers brother by offering to pay for a baby sitter to sit in another room.


My Goodness I would be highly offended if you did that to me and my family.


So what if the other guests didn't bring their children, they didn't mis understand the invitation did they.


That is such a palrty thing to worry about, two extra children. do they have two heads or something?


You don't sound like a very nice person, if this is worrying you so much. I once had a niece -in- law who did that and she is now divorced from my nephew, she was too stingy in ways.
Reply:You know, maybe this is because I was a preschool teacher and have always been a "kid" person, but I truly don't understand the "this is MY special day, everything has to be perfect and kids will only spoil everything" train of thought. It is just my personal belief that brides that throw tantrums because of children drawing attention from them need to mature a little. I can't really see it from an expense issue, particularly if they are small kids because they can eat from their parents plates. If it is because others weren't allowed to bring their kids that upsets you, consider if the other guests are out of town or not. Sometimes it just isn't feasible for parents to leave their children while out of town. Also, did you particularly state no children,or did you simply assume they would know no children because you didn't include them on the invitation?





And all of this advice of "this is YOUR day" blah blah blah doesn't give you an excuse to be rude. Because what they should be emphasizing is DAY instead of YOUR. It is one day. Though it is a special day, you still will need to maintain a relationship with this family for the rest of your life. Is one DAY really worth harming that?





For the record, I look forward to the children at my wedding and seeing them on the dance floor. A wedding is a celebration of love and joy, and what better representation is there of that than a spirit that emobodies the love of that the parents shared for one another?
Reply:let them come...it is hard to arrange care for out of town events and as a parent I would not want them to travel then be stuck away from the event with a stranger...it is only 2 kids...just don't say anything to other guests...not really their business
Reply:It was very rude for him to do this... but to keep everything calm I would suggest you just let them come. Think about it logically... it is not a whole lot of money in the scheme of things (figure out what percentage out of the whole wedding that they will actually cost you... I would assume that it would be a very small percentage).





It is a bit of an inconvienience to you - and if anyone asks why their kids were not invited I would just say simply that 'his weren't either'. But to save the hastle I would just let them come.
Reply:Why are you inviting adults with children if you don't want them to bring the children? Why not just send a note that says what you really mean: "I'm getting married. I don't want you to attend but feel free to send a check."





Since this your wedding and you are presumably and adult you need to call the uncle and tell him "Hey Mr Uncle I'm glad that you want to attend my wedding but you can not bring the kids because they are my cousins and not my nieces or nephews." If I was your uncle my response would be: "Great! You just saved me travel expensives and I don't have to waste any money on a gift. You do know that most marriages end in divorce, right?"
Reply:In my opinion, the best thing to do is to contact your uncle and nicely let him know that since you are not allowing anyone else to bring kids to your wedding it's just fair that he would not bring them either and if sitter is a problem for him, you are willing to help out. This way you're honest with him and also trying to help out to.
Reply:well i have an even more extended family 24 aunts %26amp; uncles, 52 cousins,34 2nd cousins, 28 3rd cousins and yes that is just on my moms side. my dads side is just as big and though my fiances mothers side is small his fathers side is HUGE and i would never invite parents and not children. i mean come on my fiance and i are only 21 he is the only one working and he is still managing to pay for EVERYTHING. i mean maybe if you would have planned ahead sooner you would have been able to afford for children to be there. and after all who wants a wedding with no children. i mean it might be "my day" but its also my family and i would NEVER exclude ANYONE from such a happy time in my life. i hope when you decide to have children noone ever excludes them. i might have grown up in a big family but no matter what we are all equal. i have my nephew my neice and my lil cousins in my wedding . i bet you were brought up always getting you way. personaly if i got an invite that said no children, i would not attend b/c after all the children are what make the wedding fun, because who wants to watch such a selfish person get married when its just gonna end in divorce anyway. i mean who would be able to handle a person who was all about ME ME ME!!!!!!!!! %26lt;%26lt;%26lt;Disgusted%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;
Reply:CAlly ou uncle and jsut tell him you meant o only invite him and his wife, not the children. Let him know you are doing what you can to keep the guest list and cost down and the only children attending ate actually in the wedding. I am sure he will understand.
Reply:You didn't mention if you were having a church wedding or what not, I know my Aunt %26amp; Uncles church has a small daycare type room (with toys, DVD's and video tapes), that they use during special occassions (other time too) like weddings, funerals etc, to keep the small children occupied, maybe you could arrange that? Explain delicately to your Uncle that their will be only two children, who have parts in the actual wedding will be attending (and not much for kids to do) and your afraid they (not just his children, but others as well) may be bored.
Reply:They are your family. Why can't they come?

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