My mom is taking over my reception?

My mother is taking over my wedding reception and I am lost on what to do. We orignally was going to have the food catered and last night she calls me up and says she is going to cook a turkey and call it good. no this is once in a life time thing and I already gave up my wedding I went to court. Then she said that she would just go borrow her friends flower decerations from her daughters wedding to use. there all white not the colors I am working with. then on top of it we wanted it out side and she is trying to talk us into renting a hall. Who's wedding is it anys ways. then when I try to say any thing to her she goes off on me and says well i give up go ahead and wait tell the last minute to figure this out. I already had it figured out what the heck am I suppost to do. She is my mother but she is controlling she did the same thing with my sisters wedding and my brothers and I don't want her to do it to mine.

My mom is taking over my reception?
In my opinion, wow! Does this ever sound familiar... Where do I begin? DON'T do it her way now and you and your soon to be husband "promise" to do it your way later, allowing her to know that she's running your life and marriage from the get go. You need to calmly sit down with her and tell her, "Mom, I love you and I appreciate your help, but no thank you. I understand you can't pay for my wedding, but I will just wait for the fairytale as they say for when my husband and I can do it. ***My parents couldn't afford my wedding- I had a 20.00 bought dressed from a bridal store that had been rented out, I used my savings for them to take me to another state to marry my fiance'... his mother ran the whole thing, one of his siblings made the arrangements, one picked out our songs to be played at the wedding and the other even opened ALL of our gifts but two, while his mother sat by and watched and was mad because I didn't agree with it.*** This is why I am saying, "Don't let her have control over your wedding from the get go."





My husband promised me, "If you just bite your lip and not say anything to upset them, then I promise you the wedding we wanted at one year... 1 year, 5 year, 6, 7, 8th ones all passed and then we said at 10 years we would have the wedding we promised each other, my fairytale wedding as they say... 10 years, 12 years and then hoping again for 15 year, then it was said at 20. We just passed 19 years of marriage and though I love him, I don't want the wedding again now... it's meaningless to me now, as I've acknowledged that it's not going to happen because he accepted in his mind the first one, the one where we "settled for letting someone else run it!"...





Many years of regrets later, we are just talking about a family vacation instead of a renewal of vows with the actual ceremony at 20 years that we had dreamt of from the start... it made alot of distance between him and I over the years because of this regret. So, tell your Mom, "No thank you for the help..."





YOU your-self make it a point to make it happen in one year from the day you plan on getting married now by law. Take one year to buy the things you want for the wedding a little here and there and you and your husband plan it out and should you have kids by then, have them in the wedding and you will feel great satisfaction that you didn't have to settle and knowing that YOU called the shots of your wedding, you and your husband.





I know most mothers in particularly which I've seen first hand or have talked to, they tend to live out their dreams in their kids weddings because they didn't get the wedding that they wanted, so they not only live their dreams out with yours, but they insist on controlling it, as they had no control over their own. (Just as alot of men will push their kids to do sports that they didn't finish or wasn't good at- once again, living your dreams through your kids through control.) I have sat down with my daughter and have told her... "I won't have you "settle" for starting off a life with marriage and onto a family. I won't have you live with the years of regret which I did for "settling and letting someone run our wedding and our lives. I'm writing you a check for the entire wedding and you choose what you want. I just hope that somewhere in all the planning that you will want me to be part of it and whatever part you ask me to do, I will do it proudly, period!"





YOU need to stop her controlling right now. By letting her decide what's happening in your wedding, you are actually giving her control over it and your marriage... not a good thing and not healthy for the growth of your marriage in the future. Be strong, tell her no thank you and get married at the courthouse now. BUT... you and your husband make it a point and no excuses... to buy something every payday if you have to towards the wedding and schedule it out to where you have everything at the years end... You call all the shots of your wedding with your husband's support and everyone else is to just show up and enjoy the ceremony and festivities. If they want to be proud of you and support you, they'll be there. If not, then they can dismiss the idea of supporting your happiness and can just sit home and be in self pity.





I told my daughter, I don't care when or where you decide to get married, just please give me a call and allow me to be a part of seeing you be married, even if I have nothing at all to do with the details and plans of the wedding, I just want to be there to see what's supposed to be the happiest day of her life... maybe your Mom should focus more on that.???





Take care.
Reply:You need to put your foot down and stop letting her control your reception!





Don't include her in ANY plans. Do what you and your spouse want and tell mom that although you "appreciate" her help, to please just let you two plan it.
Reply:If you and your bf are paying for your own wedding, then you have all rights to plan the type of wedding you want and can afford. Even so, you would still be getting advice and help from your mom and family on his side as well.


Talk to her gently and sanely, remind her of the things you want, and hopefully you can compromise somewhere.
Reply:Any ideas along the lines of "This is MY day and it's all about ME and everything should be MY way" should be firmly resisted. If you want everything your own way so badly, then perhaps you should be the person to do the work AND pay the bills. If your mother is doing the work and paying the bills, then your mother is the hostess. And it is the hostess who calls the shots, NOT the guest of honor, even if that guest of honor is a new bride. Your mannerly options are to (1) host (and pay for) your own reception (2) graciously fulfill your role as guest of honor at the reception your mother gives (3) not have a reception at all.
Reply:If she is paying for it, she calls the shots.





If you want to do it YOUR way, what about paying for the wedding yourself.





Good luck
Reply:You have to put your foot down, and whenever she makes suggestions, just tell her you've already got that taken care of---then say no more. If you're old enough to be getting married, you're old enough to assert yourself. You do not need to explain yourself to anyone.
Reply:Who pays is who controls.





Who is paying for this wedding?


If it's you then give your mom the boot and tell her to back off. If she is paying for it- it's her game and she can do what she wants.
Reply:You just have to take the control back from her.





You're right, this is YOUR reception, not hers. This is your chance to express your taste and show your friends and family a good time. It isn't time for mommy to get her way.





Tell her that she can help out if she wants, but you are doing ALL of the planning and this reception is going to be the one YOU want.





Let her get ticked about it, she'll get over it.





Good luck!
Reply:YOu need to tell your mom to back off and she is not doing it. If you do not tell her she is going to walk all over you. I know you do not want to hurt her feelings but you have to let her know.
Reply:First question is...Who's paying for it. If you are expecting her to pay for the reception, then she has a say in it. Otherwise, tell her that while you appreciate her input and caring that you would like her to be able to just sit back and enjoy the day and the event.
Reply:Instead of confronting her by telling her it's your wedding and she needs to stop, get everything you've planned/thought of together and sit down with her. Get your quotes from caterers and florists and bakeries ahead of time or book what you want. If you say "Hey I've already booked a caterer, there is no need to cook a turkey" then she has no other choice. I guess she could still bring her turkey to go along with the other stuff, but i know that's not the point.


Maybe take her (forceful) suggestions and modify them. You can use someone else's decorations, but add your own color to it with extra flowers and ribbon. It could help cut down on your wedding cost.





Is she paying for all of this, or is this your money? If it's hers, then she kinda has a say in the way it's spent. If it's yours, put your foot down and thank her for her help, but you know what you want to do.
Reply:is your mother funding the wedding or partially helping out? this maybe tough one, but let her know this is your wedding and you will be the one with the final decision. and not buts about it. she had hers, and this is yours. what is your fiance think about the planning situation, is he contributing anything?


you may have to tell her that you do not want her opinion with the wedding and that your are planning it with someone else. that is your right. she does not need to know who this is.


good luck
Reply:Well, you need to really sit down with her and tell her how you feel. This is your wedding and it should be the way you want it not how she wants it. Tell her that you love her and appreciate all the help that she is giving but this is how you want it and this is the way it is going to be. If that means that you have to plan the whole thing without her, then so be it. Also let her know in a polite way that she has done this before for your siblings weddings and that it was a problem then as well. She needs to let up on the reigns alittle.
Reply:I would ask her whos wedding is this, and then suggest she and dad get rewed after your Dreams are made a reality, read below, this isn't a first%26gt;When Mom Takes Over: iVillage Brides' Solutions





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If it seems like your mother doesn't remember just who's walking down the aisle, then you're not alone! Dealing with Mom and planning the wedding of your dreams can be a bit trying. But before you decide to elope, take a look at these iVillage brides' solutions:





Remind Her What It's All About


"Instead of pushing against her on everything that she is doing, ask [your mother] if she is really doing it for the guests, or is she trying to fulfill a dream of a wedding that maybe she didn't have. She just wants you to be happy, and make sure that she understands that you know that.





Plus, remind your mom that it is more important that you and your soon-to-be-husband are happy with your wedding than the happiness of the guests. This is the most important day of your life, it is the begining of your life together, and it should be the way that you want it, the way that makes you both happy." --from iVillager desk_doc





She Wants to Help -- So Let Her!


"You should understand the psychology of a parent involved with a wedding (particularly the bride's parent). They feel as though this will be the last opportunity they will ever have to be part of the decision making process of their child. So, of course many parents go a little overboard. Solution: give them a task to do that they can sink their teeth into. Make it a considerable one, so they don't have time to interfere with the elements you do want to control. Whatever you do -- do not tell your parents to belt up and butt out!"





good luck it will be a day to remember, remember to date each other still after the wedding is over, keep your relationship alive through out your lives together