Is this tacky??? My sister is having an adult only wedding reception?

The only children that will be there are the flower girl and ring bearer. Ok no problem I got three chilkdren my lil girl is in it I got a babysitter for my other two. Well the grooms sister made the comment that she was bringing her son and my sister said no children are allowed The grooms cousin said well you can bring him to the church. My sister does not want this because she has all ready told our cousin she could not bring the child and on top of it this girls baby is has not seen half of the family yet and my sister feels that it is her day and no one should take the attention off her I actually sort of agree with her for once I wasa curious what you all think and how does she deal with this to make sure it does not happen

Is this tacky??? My sister is having an adult only wedding reception?
I think the relative is really rude. The couple has already made their desires well-known, and to say she'll bring the child anyway is just rude. Every event on earth is NOT child appropriate, adn teh couple certainly has the right to invite whomever they wish to their own wedding. I know some families have 40 or more kids, and to invite them would mean excluding whole branches of family--I think sometimes kids need to be left with sitters. I can't understand parents who can't bear the thought of being away from their child for 1 evening!
Reply:I can understand some reasons for not having children ( reception in a museum, destination wedding etc...) but to me if all the family is invited then why can't the children come too they are part of the family. I don't feel it is fair to make the parents dish out more money to find babysitters for one night.





Why not have a special room with a movie playing or a few tables with coloring books and crayons?
Reply:My niece is getting married on the 26th and they have requested no children at the reception. There will be a couple there but they didnt want them running around and screaming all night.


I'm with your sister, it's her wedding and your counsins need to respect that. I would think that the parents would look forward to a night out with only adults.
Reply:I'm rarely one for leaving kids out, but if she asked before the reception that there be no kids, I wouldn't have a problem with it. It's her day and doesn't seem like it's asking all that much. Best wishes to her and the groom...
Reply:Maybe not tacky, just sad....
Reply:I did adult only..the only children there were the ring bear, flower girl and broom bear. I think people should respect the couples wishes and leave their children at home. To spend all that time and money on a reception to watch peoples kids run around is crazy to me. When I get married again..I will be making the same choice as the 1st time..Adult Only no children under 13!





I would have a planner or whom ever is helping run the show keep an eye out for people who come to the wedding with children..in a polite way I would ask them to remind them that the reception is adult only or if you don't want to be so blunt have whomever is helping at the reception site escort anyone with children out.
Reply:Well she really needs to talk to the groom about that he told his sister she could bring the kid so if not having kids is important to her she needs to tell the groom to explain this to his sister.
Reply:I had an adult only reception, and I stuck to my guns. It's not so much about the attention being on the bride, it's about the fact that people just don't have as much fun when they are spending the time worrying about their children. Or you have the parents who aren't worrying ENOUGH about their children, and their kids run around acting crazy.





My cousin recently got married and had no children except for those in the wedding. Well, her nephew was the ringbearer and my niece was the flower girl, and her brother and his wife chose to get a babysitter rather than bring the boy to the reception. They had a great time, drinking, dancing, and socializing. My sister in law INSISTED about bringing her daughter to the reception, and she ended up sitting at a table with my niece sleeping on her lap and being cranky the entire night. She didn't have fun at all.





I think she should stick to her guns, but don't make it sound like it's all about her, but make it about the fact that you want the guests to have a good time sans children.
Reply:I'm having an adult only reception. no kids allowed. i think she has the right to decide what she wants at her own wedding?
Reply:probably the bride does not want to pay to feed a ton of kids, you give them a plate of food and they don't finish it right! so it's OK for just the flower girl and ring bearer to go to the wedding. it will pull focus from the wedding party and the bride if other kids show up for the ceremony though, so I would advise against that.
Reply:No, this is not tacky, especially with a long church ceremony. The bride and groom need to be in agreement on the subject, but as long as that's the case, it's not anyone else's business. In fact, Emily Post, world-renowned etiquette expert, says:





"If you are not inviting unlimited children, you may decide to include family members only, children of a certain age, or no children at all. It is inappropriate to write 'No Children' on the invitations. Instead, communicate your wishes by writing only the parents’ names on the inner and outer envelopes—and through word of mouth."





Hope this helps!
Reply:Remember it is her wedding and that she is just trying to make it perfect for herself (aren't we all?). Since it's later in the evening most small children will be cranky from boredom and not to mention tired. She wants everyone to enjoy themselves and not have to leave because their child is having a tantrum. So I would just leave it be and be understanding.
Reply:I think it depends on the theme of the wedding...if the wedding is superformal, and the reception is scheduled for late at night, then it is acceptable for children not to be there. Personally, I am having children at my wedding/reception. The kids are all family members though, and our wedding is smaller %26amp; more casual. I have never even considered that they would be taking the attention off me...
Reply:I've said it again and again... I really find it mind boggling when people think that children should always be allowed at weddings. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind when children ARE at weddings, but I fully support those who choose not to have them.


Let's be honest, parents don't always watch them once the reception begins. The music is loud and people are (I'm assuming) drinking alcohol.


Your sister has every right to put her foot down. No- it is not rude, it's her request.
Reply:If the bride indicated on her invitation that it is an "adult only" reception, then that's exactly what it should be. If she neglected to indicate that the church ceremony is also "adult only", then she will have to make personal phone calls to clarify so that people will know. NO, it is not tacky. Would you take people with their children out to a nightclub for an evening of dinner, drinks and dancing?
Reply:I don't see anything wrong with adult only receptions. Just because someone has a child it doesn't entitle them to bring them everywhere. Some people just don't want to be bothered or have to worry about issues that come up with having kids running around and making noise.





Also, that's another person that the couple has to pay for and eliminating kids allows them to invite more of their friends and family to the wedding and that is more important then meeting your cousin's kids that you haven't met yet. That can be arranged at another time.
Reply:Its her wedding she can do what ever she wants. But its kinda mean that her relatives can't come case their not old enough. But its her wedding
Reply:i think its tacky for the cousin to keep asking if she can bring her kids...the couple already said they only want adults





a lot of ppl have adult only weddings...which of course would not include the ring bearer and flower girl. there's nothing new with that. can they really not find a babysitter? they should know the wedding date well in advance
Reply:these children are here family, too..she is being very childish and hateful. if my sister told me that i couldn't take my kids to her wedding--i wouldn't go.
Reply:I never could understand people not having kids at weddings or receptions. Marriage is about family and families sometimes have young kids. She should get a clown or a bounce house to entertain the kids during the reception.
Reply:It's the couple's decision -- if they say "no kids," it's rude for anyone to try to override that. And frankly, after sitting through a lifetime of weddings and receptions that were disrupted by screaming tantrums (not always the bride's, either!) and the parents didn't do anything because "that's just how children behave," I'm entirely in sympathy with any couple that wants an adults-only rule.
Reply:Whatever your feelings about children and weddings is, I think everyone can agree that it is rude for a guest to insist that they bring someone who was not invited, child or not.





There is nothing your sister can really do besides say "no".
Reply:I too am having an adults-only reception following dinner. Not because I do not want to have a child "steal" my thunder, but because I do not think it appropriate to have children around a bunch of adults drinking well into the night. It also isn't fair to them. The children are invited to share in the ceremony and the dinner, and then can go to grandparents or sitters or whatever. Everyone that I knows that has children and are coming to the wedding are more than happy with that. It lets them decide whether or not they want to bring to their children at all.


I think that it is a bit ridiculous to think that people would bring their children to an event that is not geared towards children. All weddings are not for little ones. When people start having receptions at Chuck E Cheese, then you can complain your children are not invited.
Reply:Not so much tacky. A lot of people now a days don't want children at the wedding. I personally didn't want to be responsible for certain children breaking something because their parents use any chance they can get to have other people keep an eye on their kids. Two, it drives up the cost. My wedding had 60 people in attendance but if I had kids come.. it would have been 75! Not that it's that big of a deal. It's just up to her but it's hard to tell people no kids so it might help if you stick up for her. And she can't let one person's kids go and not the others.
Reply:The bride and groom are the hosts for this occassion. It is their right to decide who is and who is not invited to attend.





Why isn't everyone lining up their kid to go to the strip club for the bachelor and bachelorette party? Because it isn't appropriate, right? Maybe the bride %26amp; groom are planning a party that isn't appropriate for kids, either. Has anyone thought of that?





It is not tacky, nor rude, to exclude kids from a wedding. If a parent is that attached at the hip to their child that they won't find a sitter for one evening, that is their choice and it is not something that should be blamed on the bride and groom.





If a bride and groom want a family-friendly and child-friendly environment, they can choose to that as well.





How do you make sure nobody drags their child along where the child is not invited?


~ you really aren't going to prevent anyone from coming to the church with the kid in tow. Someone in the wedding party, or perhaps MOB or MOG can play the "bad guy" and say something to inconsiderate person who brought an uninvited attendee.


~ at the reception, the bride %26amp; groom can declare "by invitation only" or by matching the person to a specific list provided so if the Smiths are invited and bring baby they can be turned away by a security person who can be the "bad guy" telling them junior isn't on the guest list and isn't allowed in.
Reply:I think the bride/groom and the bride's parents if they are paying for the wedding have evey right to decide whether or not they want children at the wedding/reception.





When you are a host/hostess, you are responsible for who is invited and who is not. That's a very basic premise of etiquette. However, people seem to feel that a wedding is a public occasion and they can decide whether or not they include their children. Sorry, folks. It is not up to the guests to include people who aren't invited. Even our children. It is rude!!!





Oh...sorry! That's not what you asked. You wanted to know how your sister can deal with this. Her fiance or his parents need to be the ones who deal with his sister. The bride would only make things worse because the sister will still want to "overrule" her. Let the groom tell his sister definitely no children.





And he can definitely use this line. "If we allow some children and not all children, that is definitely not fair. So please understand the reasons for this."
Reply:The bottom line is, if the invitation doesn't specifically say "and family" or state the children's names..then they are NOT invited. It's quite rude to bring anyone, even if it's a child, to a wedding when they haven't been asked. From your question, it sounds as if the groom's sister very well knows it's an adults only wedding and is choosing to make a scene.
Reply:Wow, I cant believe some peoples answers. While I am having children at my mass and reception it is a personal choice. I understand, especially if the ceremony is at a church, babies cry in churches. lol..





She needs to address the issue and talk to the parties bringing the children. If she allows it for oe others will be offended she didnt allow it for them.
Reply:Well, she sounds like she's a little "me first" kind of person.





But I understand how kids can ruin a reception if the parents can't control and watch them. I think this is what she is afraid of. Evidently this is what she knows and so this is why she has said that ruling. But you can always offer this suggestion as what we did at our reception to keep the kids out of the cake: we put it on an extra large round table - they couldn't reach it! And the presents were put on one like that too. That could be suggested to her if it means a great deal to you.





I think it's a shame because family is family. Later on when she's older and looks at the pictures, and has her own children, she will be upset the children weren't there.





We had 428 people at our wedding %26amp; reception including kids, it was fine, but the parents looked after the children.





If you allow ONE, you have to allow ALL. If they are renting a facility and renting dishes, etc, then I understand her concern there, like previous posts -- they are the HOSTS and are responsible. But they could also APPOINT a friend to help share and watch so they could enjoy themselves and the occasion. You can suggest that, if this is the problem.
Reply:If I couldn't take my kids, I wouldn't go at all. If I chose to not take my kids, I want that to be my decision. If someone said that I couldn't take my kids I would just send a card in the mail and not go. My kids are my family.
Reply:I think childless receptions are tacky and insulting to people with children.