My fiance is being a little controlling about the wedding.....?

So I understand that the wedding is supposed to be just about the bride and groom, but I suggested today that we do something nice for both of our parents at the wedding reception to honor them for their support. I was already planning on saying thank you in the speech, but wanted to present them with flowers or something else to show our appreciation. My fiance (the bride) FREAKED OUT and said that the wedding is 100% about us and not them and that honoring them would offend her. What should I do?

My fiance is being a little controlling about the wedding.....?
I would quietly discuss this with your (singular) parents. Believe it or not, they are your friends and probably much more aware of the people and politics involved than you are.





Unlike you, your GF has been planning this for at least 20 years. However, that aside, it is very important to remember there are things you must do in the ceremony, things you mustn't do, and it's a free-for-all in the middle.


As I see it, honouring your (plural) parents is not only correct, it is a MUST! After all, they, between both families, have spent nearly a million dollars in bringing you up and supporting you. For her to believe it is just about "us and not them" is very shortsighted (it could actually be some sort of power play). Believe it or not, you don't just marry a person, you marry them and their parents, their brothers, their sisters, their children (yep, this is a modern world) and their aunts, uncles, grandparents and grandchildren too!


I suspect your parents would probably consider your behaviour towards each other and them (note the "each other" bit) as more important, so a short "thank you" in your wedding speech is sufficient. Believe me, the proper behaviour towards each other isn't ALWAYS easy either (this case is a classic example).


I do think the idea of flowers (or whatever) are a very nice gesture, but again, I don't think it is necessary.





Thinking about this a bit more, there is actually a very important point here: the excessive emotion without explanation over a what is really a trivial expense may (note "may") mean a deeper problem behind the scenes.
Reply:If your bride does not want to do it at the reception ask if you could do it at the rehearsal dinner. You could just do a toast to the parents at the reception.
Reply:Oh my. I actually went and saw a reverend about my ceremony and we have a special part where she thanks our parents and we give gifts.





Its about you...yes. However, what about the people who support you? ie. the parents?





If you haven't seen a reverend yet, make the appointment and they may even suggest the honoring of the parents.





The wedding is focused on the couple, but its catering to the guests because they bring (traditionally) gifts and money to pay for themselves, essentially.
Reply:Maybe bride was just having a bad day?





Try the rehearsal dinner.





The rehearsal dinner is usually hosted by the groom and/or his family. Make your speech at the rehearsal dinner. Give gifts to both parents and bridal party at that time.





Allow wedding day focus to remain on bride and groom (as your bride wishes). But honor and thank your friends and family the day before, at the rehearsal dinner.





Sounds like a good compromise to me.
Reply:why would she be offended? to freak out about wanting to honor her parents and yours seem very selfish. I would make sure you understand who your getting married too because there will be many things in your marriage that may involve your parents or hers or other people. and how will she react then. lots of woman get married because they want a wedding. and so it has to be their idea of what a perfect wedding is.. you need to remember that there is a marriage after a wedding.
Reply:tell them way you feel
Reply:I'm honoring the parents. This isn't about the bride and groom, it's about the formation of a new family coming from two different families. That's the way I see it. If you can't be thankful to the parents, then you can't really be thankful for the man or woman you are marrying. I'm extending a wonderful thank you to my fiance's father and mother and giving his mother flowers. He's doing the same for my parents.
Reply:My first thought was "get a new bride" but that' isn't going to work, is it?





Your parents have supported you both in your lives and I love the idea that you wish to honor them.





Your bride sounds very immature and selfish.





When my oldest married, she presented her bridal bouquet to her grandmother instead of throwing it . It was a surprise and her grandmother was so thrilled to be honored.





I hope your bride grows up and realizes that while she is the bride, she didn't get to this point in her life without her parents and ditto with you and your parents.
Reply:75% of the time a Bride who turns into a "Bridezilla" is actually not getting upset about the thing at hand, it is usually something else that is nagging her and she is either avoiding dealing with it or doesnt realize what it is that is really bothering her.





I would say sit down with her for a NO WEDDING TALK night. Take her to a movie, or a spa night or something. Anything to relax and get her mind of wedding planning for a night. Then offer her as much help as she is willing to allow. When you approach her again about honoring them at the wedding have something specific in mind not just an "or something" and then tell her in a way that wont immediately make her raise her guard. i.e. "Hey honey, what would you think about having a pull-away flower (here's the "specific idea part") for each of our families in your bouquet so that as a part of the ceremony we can Thank them by giving them the flowers." if she rebutts this with wanting it to be about only you both you could tell her that the Thank You's will make you both stand out because it is You both that will be stopping the ceremony for the moment to give the flowers, not the parents coming up to get them, or if you would rather, try "honey, I know you want to have the ceremony be only about us since it is our big day, but it is very important to me that we honor them with this very small part of the ceremony."


If she truly loves you she will at least be willing to discuss the issue, maybe there are other reasons she doesnt wish to do this... maybe she had a disagreement with one set of parents or the other. As I said though, she should at least be willing to discuss it.
Reply:I think its a very sweet gesture to do something like that. In my wedding I had two roses in my bouquet and after we were pronouced husband and wife I took them out and handed my husband one. I took the other and gave it to his mom and a hug and kiss as well as a hug and kiss to his father, as he did the same with his to my mother with a handshake to my father.. They loved it.