How do we divide up the wedding costs?

My fiance and I have finally picked out the Country Club that we want to have our outdoor wedding and reception at and have figured out the costs. My fiance talked to her parents and I talked to my parents about the financing seperately, as we thought a meeting with everyone may be a bit presumptuous and awkward for the parents.


Her parents seemed to favor a "Here's some money, go have a wedding" scheme, offering us a lump of money for us to use as we wish.


My parents and I talked about dividing the costs by classification (Reception, Honeymoon, Flowers, etc...). What is a good way to figure out who pays for what? Or should we just work it out between my fiance and I?


OR should we just get our parents all together and figure out what works best for everyone?

How do we divide up the wedding costs?
You REALLY need to talk to the parents and get in mind exactly what is happening... I did the wrong thing and assumed that the costs would be split between my parents and his... come to find out, his parents were only willing to pay for what the groom's family "traditionally" pays for...which is crap, not only because we are in the here and now, not in the 60s, and also because weddings are much more expensive now. Needless to say, my parents footed the full bill (out of pocket) and it caused a huge deal between my parents and his... heck, even the groom was angy at his parents because we had to "give up" certain things we wanted because our sources had run out... and his parents were taking a trip to disney world! go figure... just work it out... its important to know what you are getting into before you jump in
Reply:Get an etiquette book! In it , it explains that the brides parents pay for everything except the rehearsal dinner. However that has changed these days if the bride is say 30 , has her own place and job and can afford to split with the groom. You didnt mention how old you are. I wonder if you can afford to get married. It is expensive ( not at the beginning but after children arrive) The grooms family is not at all obligated to split the cost. I would advise against having a huge meeting of the families but rather I would advise for the two of you to talk together about what is fair AFTER reading the etiquette books. There is a reason why people followed protocol rules for so long.


I personally feel you should wait until you at least can pay for your own honeymoon
Reply:If her parents are willing to just give you a lump sum of money, that's great. Your parents are willing to pay for something, see what their budget is and then you can figure out what they can pay for. Everything else can be covered by the money from her parents and whatever you two are pitching in. Sounds like a sweet deal to me!
Reply:If you're adults, you should be paying for your own wedding. Time to be mature and be a man, here.
Reply:Even if you do things by classification, your parents probably have a budget. And there is no way to divide by classification evenly, since any of those categories can vary in price. I think your best bet is to get your parents budget amount, like her parents did. Then you know what youre working with. And each set of parents doesnt have to know what the others budget is.


And dont forget to mention both sets of parents names on the invitation, no matter they contributed.
Reply:Maybe I'm a bit out of touch here, but it seems a little presumptuous to ask the parents for wedding money. Money for a wedding is a gift, and it seems a little odd to ask for a gift. Of course, most parents offer to contribute to wedding expenses. ....just my 2 cents :-)





My suggestion would be to decide what the two of you can afford and plan your wedding within that budget. And by 'within your budget', I mean that your wedding should cost no more than you can easily pay for in one year. You don't want to give yourselves the gift of debt :-)





If either set of parents offers to contribute, then graciously accept their gift.
Reply:You need to figure that out among yourselves as an adult couple. If her parents are offering a lump sum, do what you can with that, and either pay for the rest yourselves or talk to your parents about whether they'd be willing to cover some other expenses. Remember, this is your wedding, and neither set of parents is responsible for any of it. At the end of the day, any contribution they offer is a gift.
Reply:I don't think it's fair to split up the cost by classification... something might be more expensive and assuming that one set of parents can pay for something expensive is never the best way to go.





Talking to your parents separately and then the two of you putting the final detailing on where funds go is probably the best way to go about it. Take the money her parents are offering to help pay for stuff with and put it to use wherever you feel is best. And as for your parents - if they would like to cover the cost of one thing instead of just giving you money, then that is their decision. Give them a list with the price-breakdown and see what they would be willing to help out with.





Most people now-a-days pay for weddings by themselves so any help you receive from your parents is a blessing. Congrats and good luck to you and your fiance!
Reply:You are done with her parents. They want to give you a lump sum of money. Take it and move on. Your parents can decide on their own whether they want to give a lump sum or pay for something specific. Just ask them directly what if anything they want to do/give. It is not really customary for the groom's parents to be paying for a great deal so I would not push them. Once you know how much they are all contributing I would discuss how much you and the bride are putting in and then determine what you can afford. If you don't have enough for your dream venue then you might have to find another location. You sound like you have a sense of entitlement about the parents footing the bill. Don't let that get you into trouble.
Reply:Hmm, wish I could help you but everyone I know paid for their own weddings with the parents only putting in a small amount to cover for instance, one set paying for DJ and the other the Photographer.


If they are offering to pay, I don't think you should set guidelines/classifications. This is a gift. If they want to give you money to help, graciously accept with many thanks and apply it where you need it.


It may be viewed as tacky if someone already offered you a nice little sum and you come back with quotes for the reception, honeymoon, etc and say "We would like you to pay this portion".


Also, since they are doing this for you, in your speeches, be sure to include a thank you to both parents (you do not need to say "for giving us money", just say something like "Thank you for helping make your wedding dreams come true".
Reply:I would suggest talking to the parents separate, because one set of parents might not be able to afford what the other set can. Figure out your cost put in on paper and then talk to your parents. Congrats.
Reply:If her parents prefer to give you a sum of money towards a wedding then accept it gratefully! then find out what your own parents would like to pay for and use the money from her parents to pay for the other things and if you still don't have enough then pay for whatevers left from your own savings.


Sometimes getting 2 families with different ideas on money together can be awkward, you needn't create problems where there aren't any. Enjoy planning your wedding but make sure you include both sets of parnets in something to do if that is what they wish! Its lovely that her parents want you to have what she wants and is not demanding=) Enjoy!
Reply:How about this: ask how much each family is willing to pay, then base the wedding off of that. Write down where all of the money is going, then give each family a list of where their money is going.





Ex:





Bride's family ($10,000 total)


Reception food ($4500)


Wedding dress ($500)


Limo rental ($500)


Reception hall ($500)


Honeymoon ($4000)





Groom's Family ($10,000 total)


Flowers ($1000)


Photographer ($1000)


Tux Rental ($100)


Church/Officiant ($200)


Favors ($200)


Cake ($1000)


Honeymoon ($6500)
Reply:Typically it's like this:





Grooms family pays for:


Rehearsal Dinner


Groomsmen flowers


mothers crousages





Brides family pays for everything else.

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